Depression sucks

You may have heard depression described as a black dog. Well I like (?) to think of it as a vacuum cleaner that trundles round after you. Vacuum cleaners are useful, they take away all the unwanted dust, but instead depression is like a vacuum cleaner gone rogue, sucking the life out of things.

My wife, EBI, has suffered with depression for many years, primarily due to a condition called Premenstrual Disphoric Disorder (PMDD). You can find out more about this on the MIND website, but in short, PMDD is a condition related to a woman’s menstrual cycle. Hormone changes cause a range of intense emotional and physical symptoms every month, that can be very debilitating, during the week or two before the period. It is estimated that about 1.6% of females across the globe are affected by it. This can be more pronounced after giving birth, or during the menopause, again, because of the hormone fluctuations.

In our situation, it affects our relationship, and our blended family relationships, and it can seem sometimes that it is sucking the life out of things. I find myself being resentful of it, it sucks the joy out of situations, and it puts massive strain on relationships. Don’t get me wrong, our relationship is strong, and we make sure that we work through the difficulties together, and it is not something which we have to face every day, but some days it is hard. But God is good, and he strengthens us together, and gives us grace and hope in perseverance.

This isn’t going to be an in-depth post on how to get through depression, but simply a comment that it sucks. There will be men out there battling depression each day themselves. There will be men out there who are battling it with their partner, or even their children. We’re not great at talking about these things as men, so I wanted to open the conversation. It sucks. But guys, you’re not alone. If you’re battling through, then please don’t battle in silence. Find someone to walk with you. If your partner is battling, find someone you can offload on when it is tough.

Maybe sometimes you have to carry the vacuum cleaner for your partner, that is sometimes what it feels like for me, I can’t take it away, but I can walk with her through those tough times. You can talk to your children about it, help them to understand what we’re going through. Some friends of mine recorded a helpful podcast a few years ago about parenting through depression, you can find it here or search for Everyday Dadding wherever you get your podcasts from and look for episode 15.

One thing that I have found helpful, is to keep trying to find the joy, even when the joy seems to be sucked out of you. For us, our faith has a major part to play in that, because we know that we are loved, even when we can’t find it in ourselves to love ourselves Taking some time to be grateful, even for small things will help you find a glimmer of light in the darkness.

If you’re struggling then do reach out, my emails are always open, you can email me at matt@thisdadtries.co.uk or drop a comment in. As guys we must do better at standing together